One sport that I would love to dive into is mountain biking. I just don’t have it in me. Age is only a number, but my body is just beat up enough and health insurance is just expensive enough that I can’t in good conscience take up another hobby with considerable risk. That’s my rationalization.
The truth? I can’t commit. I don’t mean to the sport. I mean what is actually required on the bike - choose a line, ride that line. It’s where hesitation will fuck you up. Full commitment and trust in your abilities is requisite.
This may sound peculiar if you know me. I’m stubborn as all get out when it comes to something I’m passionate about, whether that’s a life philosophy or the answer to a trivia question.
But I still have trouble taking that first step. Committing.
I’ve been infatuated with the mountains for nine years. Climbing for more than six. I’ve been whispering about moving left on the map and up in elevation for who knows how long but convinced not to by all the typical reasons. My compromise was to shape a life where I take longer-than-your-average-vacation sabbaticals to the other side of the plains multiple times each year. I haven’t done that either.
I’ve been some places. But if you sat down and added up the climbs and trail runs I’ve done, the mountains I’ve summited versus the time I’ve spent dreaming about them, it would look pretty sad. I don’t say any of this with self pity. It’s the analytical truth.
These things take both micro and macro commitment. To complete a sport climb at your limits, you have to commit to insecure moves above a potential fall. Trust the gear. To get good at sport climbing, you have to commit to a lifestyle where you make sport climbing a priority and get outside as much as you can. Trust the process.
Both are scary.
It’s not logical. Conceptually I know that I’m safe and the gear will catch my fall. I know that my life will be more fulfilling if I spend as much time as possible doing the things that make me feel alive.
It’s impossible to continue participating in mountain sports without commitment. It’s an element that’s non-negotiable. This is a world of self-sufficiency. If I plan to complete anything, the first step is commitment. No half measures. When you leave the trailhead, you are very often on your own, and not being committed is the easiest path to failure.
On a case-by-case basis, I’ve become very accustomed to failure. I’m no longer afraid of that inevitable outcome. But maybe the fear is bigger. Maybe I’m afraid of what might happen if I make my life all that I want it to be and it still isn’t enough. The stubborn often have a hard time feeling satisfied. But the reason I’m not committing is exactly why I need to.
That lack of satisfaction has its good side. It keeps me motivated - keeps me pushing. This fall the ankle still isn’t up for running, so I’m committed to climbing as much as I can, not letting the friendly temps slip away into an icy hell.
I’m optimistic and in a relatively good place despite the setbacks. The key, as with everything, is enjoying the doing. Then the results don’t matter. And what’s so hard about enjoying a beautiful autumn day at the crag, whether you climb anything or not?
If anyone’s looking for me, I’ll be on a rope (or maybe the bike). Feel free to join.
Weekly Choss
The Trofeo Kima is a race that even I had never heard of until I came across this video. And even I think this terrain might be a bit too much. But it makes for what is possibly the most amazing scenery footage I’ve ever seen of an ultra race. You could probably just watch this video on mute, but then you’d miss all the valuable lessons.
With my ankle on the fritz, and my gravel bike popping tubes mysteriously and uncontrollably, I’m in the process of converting to a tubeless set-up. Bikepacking might be the next activity into which I dive headlong. Been scoping some routes, and this one out in North Dakota seems super cool, as well as not unbelievably far away. Might have to make plans for next year.
This is admittedly kind of a nerdy climbing video, as it features a couple of underappreciated but phenomenal climbers on a rather obscure route in a pretty in-depth way. But I think that anyone could take something from it. Jordan Cannon purposefully reshapes his goals with the route to complete it in a way that is fulfilling to him specifically. I’m working on doing this with some larger objectives that are traditionally done a “certain” way. Everything is what you make it.
Sorry for all the YouTube links. I’m certain nobody will watch this, but I have to honor my guy, Jrue. The Bucks traded him this week in a deal that was impossible to pass up. I loved his game before he was a Buck. He delivered everything we ever wanted. And I’ll hold out hope that he finds his way back some day. I have a thing for defense. Sports are tough, man. Love and respect forever.