A restless brain. Spinning wheels. A busted ankle. A life less than what I want it to be. These are not root problems. They are symptoms. The disease is a lack of focus. And it’s gone too far.
It’s not like I’ve been unaware of the focus problem plaguing our population or the one acutely plaguing my life. Our attention has become a commodity, and there are more brokers than ever doing their best to seize it every moment of the day. Ironically, this lessens its value because when it’s pulled in a million different directions, it ceases to exist. Focus.
I’m making it my priority.
There are countless ways that this manifests, however, that go mostly unnoticed. Listening to a podcast while working. Having a text convo while reading a book. Checking social media at the gym. Multitasking has become the norm, and at first it’s harmless. Until it’s not. And then it’s realllllly not.
The way I know this is the problem is sometimes I find my way out of it. I'll go an entire climbing session or run with unwavering mental focus. The phone put away, the distractions somewhere else. And I'll feel normal. Correct. Not without other anxieties but without one big underlying chasm. The way I lived for 30 years.
The tricky part, and of course this seems obvious, is throwing myself into everything I do, however minor or major. Not an undying passion for folding the laundry but a committed practice of simply doing what I am doing. It's not that there is zero tolerance for multitasking, but I must be more intentional with its deployment rather than making it the default mode.
By nature, it isn’t a gargantuan challenge to hone one’s focus on rock climbing. It’s an incredibly physical problem-solving process that I happen to love more than just about anything. I think about it throughout other unrelated parts of my day all the time.
Because those are more difficult.
It’s a bit of an upside-down bell curve. On one end lies the majority of my life - so few responsibilities that it wasn’t a challenge to focus because there was nothing pulling my brain away besides the occasional invented crisis. On the far other end is your Type A Wall Street trader or some such - those who are so consumed with one thing at every waking hour that focus is just inherent. There is no time not to. I am approaching the dangerous middle…
…I have an array high-value tasks that are different in nature but equal in importance and need to be completed regularly. But none of them are of such high consequence to demand my attention. Instead they are intermittently vying for it, particularly when it isn’t their turn.
I am only one person, but I think many of us lie here without realizing it. Maybe your obligations are as simple as work, family, fun, entertainment, and health. But none of those things is so pressing as to take full-time priority over the others. The result is your mind is bouncing back and forth incessantly. Thinking about work when you're trying to spend time with loved ones. Stressing over what you will have for dinner while you’re attempting to relax with your favorite art (TV show, music, etc.).
Enough of this practice and the brain becomes an expert, in a bad way, at NOT focusing. Technology, though unhelpful, is not the sole driver of this behavior. Our desire to do everything prevents us from really doing anything.
I don’t know the simplest solution, but I know that I need to find a way to dive fully into everything I do (not just the fun stuff) until it is done or I’m done with it. I suspect, as most things, it must be accomplished repeatedly on a small scale. I will resist surfing Reddit for “just a minute” when I hit a writing snag. My bike ride is for biking, not Googling useless trivia. And I hope this will have a trickle-down effect to the small moments when my brain refuses to stay in one place.
Focus begets focus, as far as I can tell. And when the everyday items are aligned in their places, it allows for larger moves in accordance with our values, not the other way around.
It’s early yet, but I have formulated a plan. Daily non-negotiables segmented into a rough schedule. Weekly efforts that can shift depending on circumstances. Compartmentalized time to cultivate and perpetuate these tasks. Dedicated space for creativity. There is plenty of time, as long as it is focused.
When the small things become second nature, I’ll be able to focus on the big things. The big things are coming.
**p.s. keep scrolling
A Change
One of the aforementioned elements vying for my attention is this newsletter. I enjoy doing it and find it important for my writing muscle, but I need to streamline the process. For that reason and others, I am going to dial back to one edition a week, and it may be a surprise as to when it arrives. I’ll drop some thing that would have been Friday Choss links at the bottom. So it will be more of a melding than a losing. I greatly appreciate those who continue to read and have no intent of stopping.
Weekly Choss
I’ve been wavering about pulling the trigger on this event, but once I write about it here I have no choice. A 100-mile bike challenge around a 1.2-mile loop in one of my new favorite Madison parks. I’m in. I don’t expect anyone to ride 100 miles with me, but if you want to stop by and support, it would be welcome. Better yet, the ride doubles as a fundraising event for Trans Advocacy Madison and the Women’s Medical Fund of Wisconsin and you can donate to the cause right here, OR to supply a little bit of motivation, I would love people to pledge an amount (a dollar or ten cents or whatever) for each lap I ride. It is not a foregone conclusion that I finish in 10 hours, so this would urge me on.
There is a new 40-minute Barkley Marathons documentary, and I’m certain these will never get old..
…this one ostensibly follows “Stringbean” Joe McConaughy’s participation this year but also covers the entire event in what was a legendary year. Special shouts to Aurelian Sanchez and Jasmin Paris for their performances.
“Life hacks” are largely garbage, and I do my best to avoid them nowadays. But this list of 100 simple tips is actually pretty dang useful. If we are able to remove all of the superfluous from our lives, it opens up so much space for the thing we want to do. That seems to be the goal of a lot of these tips. They’re easy to roll through. Grab a couple at a time and shape your life. This existence is not simple, but there are simple things to be done.
You are unlikely to hear from me, at least through this medium, for a couple of weeks, as we are heading west until the end of the month. Hoping to find focus out there. Stay good to each other, people.
Barkley marathon looks awesome.